When living abroad doesn’t make you truly happy: what to do and why it happens

Moving abroad is often described as an exciting experience full of opportunities and personal growth. For many people, it truly is.

But for others, reality is different: living abroad does not bring the happiness they expected.

If you are in this situation, you may feel confused, guilty, or even as if something is “wrong” with you for not feeling happy after such an important decision.

In reality, this experience is much more common among Italians living abroad than it is often acknowledged.

Why living abroad may not make you happy

When you move to another country, it’s not just your environment that changes. Your entire emotional, social, and identity framework changes as well.

Some factors that can affect your well-being include:

• loss of your original social network
• linguistic or cultural difficulties
• overly high expectations about the move
• emotional loneliness even when surrounded by people
• work stress or instability
• lack of a sense of belonging

It is not uncommon for initial excitement to give way to a more difficult phase.

The illusion of “if I move, I will be happy”

Many people emigrate with an implicit belief:

“If I change country, how I feel will change too.”

But moving geographically does not automatically solve internal difficulties such as:

• insecurity
• burnout
• need for approval
• relational difficulties

For this reason, in some cases, distress does not disappear with relocation—it simply appears in a new context.

Signs you are not doing well with your move

Some common signs include:

• feelings of emptiness or apathy
• constant homesickness for Italy
• difficulty forming deep relationships
• irritability or emotional fatigue
• recurring thoughts of “going back”
• a sense of disconnection from your life

These signs do not indicate personal failure, but rather a need to process and rework the change.

It’s not the country: it’s the adaptation process

It is important to distinguish between:

• the country you are living in
• the emotional process you are going through

Very often, the discomfort is not about the place itself, but about the psychological adaptation phase.

Moving abroad means going through culture shock, which can include moments of:

• initial excitement
• emotional crisis
• disorientation
• gradual internal reorganization

Why you feel “stuck”

A very common experience among expats is feeling suspended:

• not fully integrated into the new country
• but no longer fully “at home” in Italy

This condition can generate:

• identity confusion
• loneliness
• decision fatigue
• loss of motivation

What you can do if you are not happy abroad

There is no single solution, but some steps may help you regain balance:

• acknowledge what you are experiencing without judging yourself
• name your emotions (loneliness, sadness, fear)
• gradually reduce social isolation
• build stable routines in your new environment
• stop constantly comparing yourself to how you “should” feel

Is going back always the solution?

For some people yes, for others no.

What matters is that the decision is not made during the peak of emotional distress.

Before deciding, it can help to understand:

• what is really making you feel bad
• what is truly missing in your current life
• what can instead be built over time

Support can make a difference

When living abroad doesn’t make you happy, it is often not something you need to “endure” alone.

A mentoring path can help you:

• gain emotional clarity
• understand what is happening within you
• regain direction and stability
• make more conscious decisions about your life abroad

You are not alone in this experience

Many Italians living abroad go through similar phases, even if they rarely talk about them.

Recognizing this difficulty is the first step toward transforming it.

If you relate to this situation, you may also find helpful:

Culture Shock: the 4 stages every expat goes through

Loneliness Abroad: why so many Italians feel lonely and how to overcome it