Losing motivation abroad: causes and solutions

Have you ever found yourself thinking:

“When I left, I was full of enthusiasm. Now I feel stuck. I struggle to get up in the morning, and I don’t have the same desire to build my life here.”

If the answer is yes, I want to tell you something important: it doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice by leaving.

Losing motivation is one of the most common experiences among people living abroad, yet hardly anyone talks about it. On social media we run into content that makes everything look perfect: new jobs, travel, friendships, milestones. What we don’t see are the moments of doubt, the fatigue of adjusting, and that sudden feeling of being “turned off.” That’s why I created the format #WhatYouDon’tSeeAboutLifeAsAnExpat on my Instagram profile.

The good news is that motivation isn’t something you lose forever. It’s a complex psychological process that can change over time—and, above all, it can be cultivated.

In this article, we’ll look at why it happens and which strategies can help you find your direction again.

Motivation isn’t just willpower

One of the most common mistakes is to think:

“If I can’t make myself react, it’s because I don’t have enough willpower.”

Psychological research actually tells us something very different.

Motivation doesn’t simply depend on being more or less determined. It’s influenced by factors like stress, emotions, the environment we live in, our habits, and the meaning we attach to our goals. For that reason, feeling demotivated doesn’t mean you’re lazy or incapable: it means that something in your psychological balance needs to be listened to.

This distinction is crucial.

If you believe the problem is your willpower, you’ll likely end up judging yourself.

If instead you understand that motivation can be understood and trained, you’ll start looking for solutions instead of blame.

Why living abroad can reduce motivation

Moving to another country is one of the biggest changes a person can go through.

You’re not just changing your home.

You’re rebuilding much of your identity.

Every day, your brain has to adapt to new social rules, a different language, an unfamiliar environment, new responsibilities, and often, a job that doesn’t fully reflect your skills.

Even if you don’t realize it, all of this takes a huge amount of mental energy.

So it’s normal that after the initial excitement comes a phase of fatigue and demotivation.

It doesn’t mean your plan is failing.

It just means you’ve entered the more realistic stage of adaptation.

When goals aren’t enough anymore

Many people leave with very concrete goals.

Get a job.

Learn English.

Get the visa.

Save money.

These goals provide a strong initial push.

In psychology, they’re often called extrinsic goals—meaning they’re focused on reaching an external result.

The problem begins when these goals are achieved.

You finally find work.

You improve your English.

You learn how to get around in your new city.

And then what?

Many people are surprised that even after getting what they wanted, they still feel empty.

This happens because motivation based only on external results tends to run out. To maintain lasting well-being, it’s important to cultivate deeper motivation—linked to your values, your interests, and the personal meaning of your choices.

The three psychological needs that fuel motivation

One of the most important theories about motivation is Self-Determination Theory, developed by psychologists E. Deci and R. Ryan.

According to this theory, our well-being depends on fulfilling three fundamental psychological needs.

1. Autonomy

Do you feel like you’re choosing your life, or are you just surviving?

Many Italians abroad start living according to necessity alone:

work;

pay rent;

do shifts;

wait for the weekend.

When we lose the sense that we have choices, motivation tends to drop too.

2. Competence

Moving means starting over.

Maybe in Italy you had experience, confidence, and familiar reference points.

Abroad, you can suddenly feel inexperienced.

Every small step forward—improving the language, handling an interview, learning a new skill—helps rebuild your sense of personal effectiveness.

3. Relatedness

One of the most underestimated aspects of life abroad is loneliness.

Having people who make you feel welcomed, listened to, and understood isn’t a luxury.

It’s a fundamental psychological need.

When these three needs—autonomy, competence, and relatedness—are met, motivation becomes more stable and well-being increases. When they’re frustrated, it’s normal to experience demotivation, a sense of emptiness, and difficulty staying committed to your goals.

Stop comparing yourself to others

One of the most common mistakes among Italians living abroad is constantly measuring your worth by comparing yourself to people who seem to be doing better.

Someone who found the best job.

Someone who earns more.

Someone who already has permanent residency.

Someone who seems to have a perfect social life.

Psychology distinguishes between two ways of approaching goals.

The first is constantly comparing yourself to others.

The second is comparing yourself to the person you were yesterday.

Studies show that people who focus on their own learning and progress develop motivation that’s more resilient to difficulties than those who constantly measure their worth through social comparison.

Your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.

How to find motivation again when you live abroad

Motivation isn’t something you wait for.

It’s something you build.

Here are some strategies that can help you.

Go back to the reason you left

Take a few minutes and answer these questions.

Why did I decide to move?

Is that reason still important to me?

If I were to start over today, would I make the same choice?

You might realize your goals have changed.

And that’s completely normal.

Set small goals

When we feel stuck, we tend to think only about big changes.

Change jobs.

Move.

Earn more.

In reality, motivation grows through small daily wins.

Every application you send.

Every conversation in a different language.

Every new experience.

These steps build your sense of competence.

Track your progress

Often we remember everything we lack and forget how far we’ve already come.

Try keeping a small journal.

Each week, write down three things you learned or faced—even if they seem trivial.

Over time, you’ll notice progress you currently take for granted.

Cultivate meaningful relationships

Humans are deeply social.

Don’t wait until you feel less lonely.

Go to an event.

Message the person you got along well with.

Building a support network takes time, but it’s one of the most important investments you can make in your well-being.

Accept that motivation fluctuates

No one is motivated every day.

Motivation naturally comes in highs and lows.

Learning to accept these moments without judging yourself helps you handle them with greater resilience and stay focused on your goals over the long term.

You haven’t gone back to square one

When you lose motivation, it’s easy to think you’ve failed.

But in most cases, that isn’t true.

You’ve probably just moved from the excitement phase to the construction phase.

And that’s exactly where real change begins.

Not when everything is easy.

But when you learn to build a life that doesn’t depend only on your initial enthusiasm—rather, on what truly matters to you.

Do you need to find direction again?

If you live abroad and feel like you’ve lost motivation, you’re confused about your goals, or you don’t recognize yourself in the life you’re building, know that you’re not alone.

Through my mentoring journey, I help Italians living abroad get clarity, find their balance again, and build a life plan consistent with their values—without chasing the path of others.

Motivation isn’t something you expect.

It’s something you cultivate, step by step.